Something I Didn't Before
by ladyamethyst21
Summary: An RTTE short, set just before the season four episode 'Blindsided'. I loved 'Blindsided' but something always bothered me about it...what was Hiccup thinking? Honestly, was a rainy forest with a grumpy untrained dragon the best setting for making your move? So this is what I think happened. Its a slightly angsty fluff, T rated for mild lang and 'feelings'. Enjoy!


**A/N – this could go on, so if you're not interested in my ramblings about where this one came from then do feel free to skip... If you don't mind rambling, read on!**

 **Right, so. I loved 'Blindsided' and the canonisation of Hiccstrid. I think we all did! But something bothered me about it. Why in Thor's name would Hiccup Haddock, Mr Planning, Mr Precision-engineer, choose that moment to make the move we'd all be waiting for? After all that waiting? I mean, come on, it was tipping it down with rain, they were under attack from an unpredictable dragon, they were getting their asses kicked into the mud and Astrid was** _ **blind**_ **. Not exactly a great time to choose! So, this made me think that something, aside from all the adrenaline and fear of imminent death (as well as the conveniently accidental full-body contact) must have spurred him on, even unconsciously to think that now was the time. But what? So I re-watched the episode a few times (such hardship in the name of research) and then I spotted it. That hug. You know the one. They're flying off to find Stormfly, Hiccup tells Astrid that he's glad she's there, and she hugs him. There's something different about that hug, you can see it, Hiccup feels it, watch his face. Ok, I thought, but** _ **why**_ **is it different? And then I asked myself, 'what if it's the first hug she's given him when she knows how she feels about him? And that make sit feel different? What if she's only just realised?' And that made sense to me. Hiccup obviously is in love with Astrid, has been for ages, and knows it. But what if she didn't? I always see 'feelings' as being more of a mystery to her, so what if she genuinely didn't know that she loves him? So this is my attempt to show how she realised. It's a bit angsty, but I hope cute also.**

 **I framed it as a flashback for two reasons. First just because I wanted to see V again (she's my vision of the Haddock family future, if you're interested she first turned up in my other fic 'Final Flight'). And second, because I had this same conversation as a teen. In fact, the 'moment' Astrid has was entirely pinched and adapted from the story of my real-life OTP. I hope that's ok Mum.**

 **The title comes from a Taylor Swift song 'Everything Has Changed' which is kinda about the same thing and honestly, if she's going to write a line like 'green eyes and freckles and your smile' – where else was my brain going to go?**

 **Phew. I warned you. Thanks for hanging in there. I do hope you enjoy this and maybe get one or two warm fuzzies x**

 **Something I Didn't Before**

Crash! Astrid flinched as the hut door smashed open, belted into the wall and bounced back into the frame, all in one loud moment of chaos. Next the pounding of feet stomping upstairs and finally ominous creaking as a body was flung down mercilessly on a wooden bedframe. She sighed. Obviously there was teenage angst which needed dealing with and, naturally, Hiccup was out. Damn. This was so not her division. Still, it would be nice if at least some of their furniture survived V's adolescence, which meant she ought to try. Taking a deep and bracing breath, she put down the harness she'd been mending and headed up to her daughter's room, calling as she climbed.

"V? You ok?"

The silence from the top of the stairs was deafening.

"V? Val? Come on, talk to your mother."

Still silence.

"Valka Storm, if you don't answer me in the next minute I swear…"

"Muuuuum, I'm fine. Fine! Come up if you must."

Reaching the top of the stairs, Astrid had to smile at the familiar sight. A lanky body sat cross-legged in the centre of the bed, a messy auburn mop and frown of concentration above eyes staring at nimble hands grinding a wicked edge onto a favourite dagger. Granted, this hair was long and in a thick, haphazard braid and these eyes were as blue as her own, but still… Sometimes V was so like her father. Sitting on the edge of the pallet Astrid reached out to still her daughter's fingers.

"V? Care to tell me what type of 'fine' requires a blade with an edge like that?"

The girl sighed and, breaking free of her mother, hefted the dagger. She examined it critically as she spoke, voice perfectly serious and level.

"Mum, I am sorry to have to tell you this, because I realise that Tufflout Jorgenson is the son of two of your best and oldest friends. And is named for a third."Sitting up straighter she squinted across the room at her target board. "But it is entirely possible…" the dagger flew across the room, and she grinned at it hit the board with a resounding 'thunk'. "… entirely possible that I am going to have to subject him to a prolonged and horrible death. Either him or Triple'ret. If you think that wouldn't cause too much trouble."

Astrid chuckled wryly.

"Love, believe me, the very fact that Tufflout is the son of those _particular_ oldest friends, not to mention both named after and very like his uncle, means I understand perfectly why you might want to use him for target practice. Absolutely perfectly. And you don't need to start me on 'Eret, son of Eret, son of Eret'. But I honestly don't think your father would appreciate it. He's got quite enough cheifing on his plate without piling on a homicidal daughter. If you think you could restrain yourself?"

She reached out to brush errant wisps of hair from her daughter's forehead, smoothing it back as if she was still seven rather than seventeen.

"Not a great day in training?"

V relaxed a little and allowed herself to be petted.

"Agh, nothing out of the ordinary. It's just…men. Boys. Male creatures. Why do they have to be such a bunch of…of…"

"Muttonheads?"

She smiled up at her mother.

"Muttonheads will do."

"Honestly, if I knew the answer to that I'd be a much richer woman. But they aren't _all_ muttonheads you know, not every single one of them."

"I know." The teen sighed and flopped back onto the bed, one arm flung theatrically over her closed eyes. "Oh, tell me a story Mother, restore my faith in romance."

Again, Astrid had to chuckle. Obviously V had inherited her father's dramatic flair as well as his height and unruly hair. "A story?"

"About you and Da. Tell me….oh, I don't know. Tell me about when you knew."

"When I knew what?"

"About when you _knew_ , you know! When you knew it was _him_. That he was _it_."

Astrid shifted uncomfortably. "Seriously V? That's not really my area. Let's just go out, a walk, or to the hall…"

"Oh come on Mum! This is my history, I want to know! Was it like a gradual thing, or one big moment, or….."

"Oh…fine. It was, what did you call it? A moment. A real moment, for me anyway. If you must know."

V sat up, eyes bright with curiosity. "So tell me! Unless it was during, like a 'private moment' because I do not need to hear about that."

"Valka Storm!" Astrid exclaimed, "If you're suggesting I would have bedded your father without being sure he was 'it' then I don't think…"

The girl's face immediately twisted into a grimace. "Urgh, Mum! I meant kissing! I'm not suggesting… _that_! I'm not suggesting you've 'bedded' Dad ever…"

"And where would you be if I hadn't, eh?"

"Mum!" V squirmed, clearly mortified.

"Okay, okay, relax. I'm teasing." Astrid laughed, taking pity on her red-faced daughter. "It wasn't like that at all thank you very much. It was silly really, just a trivial thing to anyone else. So no laughing. It was, oh, a long time ago, when we were all still living out on Dragon's Edge. Back when we were dealing with Viggo, you remember us telling you about Viggo? Well, it was one evening in the clubhouse and I hadn't seen your Dad for three days…."

* * *

"And then, while the Viking boy's back was turned, the great scaled troll crept from the shadows, baring its teeth to meet his unsuspecting neck. But, lo! as the troll approached, who should step between them but the boy's brave poultry protector, the gleam in her eyes as bright as her feathers…."

The story was as silly as any Tuffnut had told at Chicken's 'special time' but, as usual, that didn't stop the riders from gathering to hear it. The clubhouse was cosy at sunset, especially on a rainy day like this, and seeing who could tell the most outrageous tales had become a frequent cheerful contest to end even the most difficult days. This evening however, Tuffnut's story of 'the boy who cried troll and the chicken who made trolls cry' had no competition. Ruffnut and Snotlout were content to just listen and occasionally heckle. Hiccup and Fishlegs were absent tonight as they had been the past two nights, wrapped up in plans, maps and research, inventions, statistics and basic dragon-based-nerdiness. And Astrid? Well, Astrid was there, sitting on a low stool by the fire, Tuffnut's voice washing over her. But she wasn't really listening. Her hands were busily at work with rag and whetstone, but she wasn't really sharpening her axe either. No. A small frown creased her forehead. Because what Astrid Hofferson _was_ doing, was thinking about feelings. Specifically _her_ feelings. _Specifically_ her feelings for a certain tall, skinny, auburn haired dragon rider with green eyes, freckles and a Night Fury.

At least none of the others seemed to have noticed how uncomfortable she was. Astrid sighed, frowned and reached up to stretch and crack her neck before dropping to work the axe again, using the familiar, repetitive movements to cover the tumult of emotions she was feeling inside. Why was this so hard? Trying to pin down and name exactly what she felt for Hiccup Haddock was like trying to find her way through a smokebreath nest, everything twisted and turned and disappeared in the fog. She just couldn't get a grip on anything solid! But things were coming to a head with Viggo, she could feel it. Which that meant that Hiccup would be calling in his allies to help him finish off the Grimborns for good. So the Beserkers would be arriving. And _that_ inevitably meant another of Heather's 'friendly' probing conversations and the same old question, "You two, you're a thing, right?" And this time, Astrid just didn't know what she would say. Usually, she stuck with 'just friends'. Because they were. Very good friends. But that 'just' was starting to feel like it might well be…well…a lie. So she was sitting and doing something she never usually did. Because she never usually needed to. Usually she was so sure of her direction, her decisions! And this, as a shield maiden, she'd never planned to think about. But now here she was, analysing herself, asking questions, searching for a better, truer answer and, quite frankly she was confused, anxious and terrified.

A well-timed and enthusiastically guttural troll impersonation from Tuff thankfully covered her whine of frustration. Just how did she unravel a lifetime of knowing someone and label it? And then deal with whatever that label meant? Because, if she was being honest with herself, she knew that it was up to her. Because Hiccup loved her. Astrid knew it, sure as the sun would rise in the morning and Hookfang would set Snotlout on fire before breakfast, Hiccup loved her. And he always had. She couldn't put her finger on when she'd truly realised he thought of her as more than a friend, fellow rider or second-in-command but she felt it like a steadying hand, like the sun on her back. She was sure. But she was also sure that he wouldn't ever say or do anything to change things between them without some sort of sign from her. And that was the problem. That was where the anxiety kicked in. Because he _knew_ , knew how he felt and what he wanted. And she didn't. She just didn't!

Sparks flying off the edge of her axe, Astrid worked the whetstone harder and harder, trying to force her thoughts into some sort of order. Right. Be methodical. She knew….when it came to Hiccup what did she know? Well. She knew that she liked him. Obviously. Nobody could spend that much time with Hiccup and not like the guy! He was funny, crazily smart and so ridiculously sarcastic. Just remembering his repertoire of sassy comebacks was enough to make her grin. But he was also kind, brave, selfless, generous. The only person who never pushed her to be any different, who instead challenged her to be better, and accepted her challenges in return. Put simply, he was her best friend. She knew that much.

And she admired him, of course she did! First Viking to stand against tradition? To ride a dragon? To change their whole world? Always at the front of every mission, first in the arena with every new species, taking on all the responsibility of leading the riders and accepting little credit or reward? Dealing daily for year with Snotlout and the twins and not pushing even one of them off a cliff? Hiccup Haddock was a genuine hero. Naturally, she admired him! More than anyone she'd ever met! So, she knew that too.

And….also….gods, fine, admit it. She was attracted to him. No, be truthful, she fancied him like mad. She'd like to see anyone spend hours flying behind someone with Hiccup's physique and predilection for tight trousers and not get interested in what might lie underneath the leather! Oh Thor, those green eyes and freckles made her insides flip, that smile sent her pulse racing and more than once she'd woken flushed and breathless from dreams of him. Many more times than once…She was even blushing, thinking about it now! Astrid thanked Freyja for the firelight to hide her pink cheeks. One more thing she knew.

And finally, she missed him. He'd been so busy nerding out these last few days that she'd barely seen him, and she found herself missing his company, his advice, their banter, his easy smile. She felt like half a person. Astrid dropped the whetstone and stared into the fire. So, in the end, what did she know?

Hiccup was her best friend, her very best friend, the only person who had ever come close. She admired pretty much everything about him, even his faults. He was hotter than any one person had a right to be, basically turned her to jelly inside and she was dying to know what kissing him would be like. And when he wasn't around, she missed him every minute. Astrid knew as a Viking shield maiden she was no expert on relationships, but even to her that seemed a good list, a great list. But…She groaned quietly and closed her eyes. All those things, they _could_ be down to 'just good friends', with a side-order of teenage hormones. How was she meant to know if they added up to love?

Because that was what Hiccup was offering her every day, unspoken, and she would never ever offer him anything less. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair. And what if her attraction turned out to be just a crush? It wasn't like there was a whole lot of choice of men on Berk, maybe she was only thinking of Hiccup because he was undoubtedly the best of the bunch, because she relied on him, because they _were_ such good friends. And if she admitted to anything else, and then those feelings passed, or if they did get together, and it didn't work out what would be left for them? Just embarrassment and awkwardness, at best. No. She took a deep breath, sat up straight and nodded to herself, resolutely, determined. Their friendship, their work, their trust it was too important, it just wasn't worth the risk. If Hiccup really was waiting for her, and she got it wrong, she'd hurt him, They wouldn't even be friends any more and then everything would be ruined. It was too terrifying. They were better off just staying as they were. Good friends was…great. Of course it was. She relaxed a little, pleased with her reasoning skills. But then, the thought of those green eyes maybe one day looking at someone else the way they looked at her…Astrid almost snapped the axe handle in half. Gods damn it, she was going round in circles again! How was she supposed to _know_?

The sound of the clubhouse door opening interrupted Astrid's thoughts and she looked up to see Fishlegs and Hiccup scrambling in, both of them drenched by the storm and laughing.

"Still raining is it 'legs?" Tuffnut called

"Yep just a lot," Fishlegs replied, ambling away to the fire "But I think tomorrow will be worse, I expect lightning! Is there any stew left in the pot?"

Alone on the threshold, Hiccup shook the rain off his boot and ran fingers through his thick hair, sending droplets of water flying and catching light like sparks. He waved toward Snotlout and the twins but his eyes were scanning the room. Looking for her, Astrid realised. As he always did. Looking first for her. Waiting to be spotted in the shadows she watched him and had to smile. He'd shaken the rain out of his hair, but tiny little drops were clinging to his eyelashes, making them look frosted. He glittered in the firelight and something in her melted. It made him look younger, charmingly ridiculous and utterly adorable. She exclaimed softly. He turned at the sound, finding her immediately, met her eyes and somehow Astrid could not breathe. The world coalesced down to just the deep green of his gaze and all the promises in it. Hiccup stared at her for a second, the little stars in his lashes framing a look of such naked longing that she felt gut-punched, winded as if she'd fallen from Stormfly in training. Then he really smiled the first Hiccupy grin she'd seen in days and the world lurched sideways. Suddenly there was something else Astrid knew, something she really, honestly hadn't known until that second. Her heart turned over in her chest, her pulse sped and her mouth dried up.

"Hey, Astrid," Hiccup grinned, wending his way over to her and sitting, "Thank Thor, it's great to be out, finally! How have things been the last few days? What did I miss?"

She reached out, wordlessly, to brush his lids and thumb the drops away, watching them run down her wrist as a faint blush rose to his cheeks. What had he missed? She couldn't answer, because she now knew he hadn't missed anything at all. She had. She'd missed what had been there all along, missed it for years and years. But she saw it now. She loved him. Of course she did! How had she never realised? All the agonising and soul-searching she'd been doing was stupid, pointless and unnecessary. She loved him! And she always had, even if she hadn't known it. All at once there was no fear, no anxiety, not any more. Nothing could ever be ruined because there was no way they could get this wrong. She loved him.

In the face of her silence Hiccup cleared his throat cautiously,

"Astrid? Are you ok? Because you're just, kinda, staring at me…"

Of course, she couldn't tell him now, here, this wasn't the place or the time, or the company. But she couldn't stop the slow, wondering smile spreading across her face as she replied.

"Me? I'm fine Hiccup. I'm good. No, I'm great. Happy to see you too."

She scooted closer to him, leaning gently against his shoulder. "I'll fill you in tomorrow, while we train the Triple Stryke. We're still on for doing that, aren't we?" He nodded. "Good. Now shush, Tuff's just getting to the bit where the chicken challenges the Troll Queen. We'll talk in the morning."

She turned back to the story, pressing just a little more against a bemused but pleased Hiccup and hugged her brand new secret to herself. She, Astrid Hofferson was in love with Hiccup Haddock! And tomorrow, come Hel or high water, drought or flood, thunder or lighting, he was going to know about it.

* * *

"And when I woke up in the morning, it was like everything had changed colour overnight. There were huge grey clouds everywhere, but to me the whole world seemed brighter. And yes, I know, that sounds silly. But it was how I felt. I practically flew to our meeting without even needing Stormfly; I just couldn't wait to talk to him. But, I suppose, things didn't quite go according to my plan. What with the lightning storm and everything."

Astrid paused and V, who had been listening with rapt attention, exploded with a million questions.

"What happened? What lightning? Did you talk to Dad then? When? What did he say? How…"

"Enough, enough!" Astrid broke through, chuckling. "It was a long time ago, and I've got things I should finish before your Dad gets home. Let's just say… we found our perfect moment." She stood and stepped towards the stairs, then paused and turned back, eyes soft. "You'll find yours too V. Maybe it'll be one of those muttonheads, one day you'll look at them and they'll just be…different. Or maybe it'll be someone delicious who you haven't even met yet. But you'll find it sweetheart. I promise."

"Hope so. Thanks Mum."

V lay back on the bed again, staring at the ceiling. Knowing her cue to leave, Astrid blew her daughter a kiss and climbed downstairs.

She was just about to step off at the bottom when strong hands caught her waist, lifted and spun her to be kissed most thoroughly. Enjoying the attention but eventually needing to breathe she laughingly broke away, to see her husband smiling at her, eyes sparkling.

"Well hello, someone's home early. And in a good mood." She arched an eyebrow quizzically and his grin widened.

"I've been listening to storytime on Berk. You never told _me_ that one."

Astrid groaned and rested her head on his chest. "Oh no, you didn't hear the whole thing."

"I certainly did. Rain on eyelashes eh?" he asked, mock indignant and trying not to chuckle, "I would have thought all my heroic dragon-rescuing, flying prowess and inventing genius, not to mention my marvellous leather-clad arse, would have done it but gods, if I'd known that rain would have been enough I could have sorted that a lot…..Ow!" He rubbed his shoulder where the punch had landed, still chuckling.

"Don't tease me Haddock. I hadn't seen you for days and you have no idea how adorable you looked." She sighed, a bit wistfully. "It was a big thing for me, ok? You know 'feelings' weren't really my thing back then. Too…messy. So I was a little slower. I got there. We got there." She went to move away and he held her waist tightly, keeping her close.

"Indeed we did. And am I right in thinking this happened the night before you were blinded? Just before I…"

"Made a move on me in the forest? In possibly the least appropriate situation you could have chosen?" She grinned at him now. "Yes. Why else do you think you were brave enough, or stupid enough to try it? After all that time? In those circumstances?" Putting one hand up to hold his cheek she added more gently, "You could tell. I know you could tell. I was different. We were different. The whole _world_ was different."

He shook his head ruefully. "And here's me thinking it was my idea."

"Now you know better."

"Indeed."

They smiled into each other's gaze for a moment and then he bent to her just as she reached up for him. Their kiss was enthusiastic and prolonged. As it ended, Hiccup caught Astrid's hand and pulled her towards the door.

"Come on!"

"Come on where? I've things to do!"

"Leave them. Let's go for a walk."

"Now?"

Lifting the latch he threw the door wide and slid her a cheeky smile.

"It's raining. Let's see if I can make you fall in love with me all over again."

"It's always raining on Berk!" Astrid protested, laughing, but she allowed herself to be drawn over the threshold. Pausing to latch the door behind them she continued, her voice pitched low and warm. "Hiccup Haddock. Fall in love with you all over again? As if I ever stopped."

Upstairs, listening to her parents giggling as they ran together through the storm, V lay, thinking. A perfect moment. Maybe she would give Tufflout or Triple'ret another look. Or maybe not. She could wait. Muffled splashes and shrieks followed by the sounds of yet more laughing floated through her window and she smiled happily. It certainly sounded like perfection was worth waiting for.


End file.
